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If doing things was as easy as thinking about doing things I’d get a lot more done.
Sandals or shoes? I have adorable toes. All 12
How to tell if a woman is mad at you: 1.She`s quiet 2.She`s yelling 3.She acts the same 4.She acts different 5.She murdered you
"You`re better than that" is almost never true
I’m just going to put an “Out of Order” sticker on my forehead and call it a day.
That awkward moment when you have 10+ tabs open and you can`t figure out which one the music is coming from.
I imagine a world where whining on Facebook is illegal.
life is too short to think twice and act wise....
"The Twilight Zone" makes me long for the days when you could smoke on a spaceship.
To the lady at Costco with her son on a leash. I`m sorry that I asked if he was a rescue.
As i get older i realize I do a LOT more YOGA...attempting to tie my shoelaces
If you are alone and feeling lonely, fart. Someone always walks in after you fart.
I`m great at making pancakes and women uncomfortable.
The worst walk of shame is the one back onto the crowded elevator after getting out on the wrong floor.
"I need to talk to you” is the one sentence that has the power to make you remember every bad thing you’ve ever done in your life.