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Gentlemen may not be extinct, but they are definitely endangered
I was addicted to the Hokey Pokey but I turned myself around.
The sight of naked cleavage reduces a man`s ability to reason by 50% ... Per boob.
Never trust anyone who smiles this early in the morning.
My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We`ll see about that.
Don`t worry about the grass on the other side. It`s not your grass.
If no one comes from the future to stop you, than how bad of a decision can it really be.
I`m just chilling tonight with my new plane ... Oops, I`ve said too much.
When you realize that your car matches the one in the Amber Alert.
Didn`t win the lotto again ... send prayers.
No thanks, cardio, this pot of coffee will get my heart rate up just fine
If a clown farts, does it smell funny?
Pandora has taught me that a lot of the music I love is very similar to music I absolutely hate.
Today I have been sober for 100 days. Not, like, in a row or anything. Just in total.
A good way to break up with a girl gently, is to curtsy when you`re meeting her father instead of shaking his hand.