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I joined weight watchers last month, so far I lost 38 dollars...
A person who is bad at math should never take a calculated risk.
Movies are so unrealistic. This guy`s using his computer to access an alien ship & not once has it asked if he wants to upgrade his Adobe.
Imagine how bad it would be if everyone could hear what you were thinking.
You can tell yourself that Sesame Street is educational but Cookie Monster has lived there for like 40 years and still can’t conjugate verbs.
The graveside service just barely finished, when there was massive clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by even more thunder rumbling in the distance...The little old man looked at the pastor and calmly said, `Well, she`s there`
I am at the gym! Well, the parking lot. They have free wi-fi.
Married men should forget their mistakes. There is no need for two people, to remember the same thing.
Ya .... That Supermoon was OK ..... But I was quite disappointed when I realized it didn`t even have a cape.
I was admiring my six pack in the mirror for two hours,then it got cold and I put it in the fridge
If you get angry, just relax, take a deep breath and count to ten, unless you`re angry about oxygen and numbers.
Surveys say 1 out of every 2 people suck at math. It`s terrible that 80% of the population can`t even do the easiest calculations.
I started drinking a little early. Yesterday, to be more precise.
Lazy Rule: If you spill water, It will eventually dry.
I liked Hoarders much better when it was called Sanford & Son.