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I`m a pretty law abiding citizen, but overweight and out of shape security guards really make me want to test their commitment to the job.
Explain to me the down side of being under house arrest.
Reminiscing isn’t as fun as it used to be.
I don`t exactly have a "to do" list. I have what you might call "If I ever log off Facebook and feel like getting around to doing it" list.
The worst time to need sneeze is when you’re driving. The worst time to need to pee is when you’re driving and need to sneeze.
Sometimes people try to expose what`s wrong with you, because they can`t handle what`s right about you.
I just spent an hour at the gym. I couldn’t find a close enough parking spot so I left.
"Does this dress make me look fat?"-- Now, what I SHOULD have said was, "No, dear! You are little black dress approved!" but what came out was, "When did your bum move to the front?"
Can`t believe people still say "pot" it`s not the 70s anymore we call it "saucepan" now
Why is it so hard to find an exercise bike with a nice little basket where I can put my nachos?
On the bright side, my coffee will never get cold in hell.
Stop picking on Justin Bieber. That`s somebody`s daughter.
When reality kicks in… add more booze.
Just finished building Rome with Legos. Took me a day.
:): The Bipolar smiley face