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Any girl is a stripper if you wait outside her window long enough
In some ways I’m just like a dog…. I can’t be trusted around unsupervised food.
A lot of people do not realize that the actor who played Wilson in Castaway is the same actor from the volleyball scene in Top Gun.
The awkward moment when you look both ways down a one way street.
To show my support for Breast Cancer Awareness Month, I`ll be giving free breast exams all month. Hit me up if you`re interested.
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, you’re probably really hot.
Who cares, WTF, OMG, so inappropriate, HOLY HELL ! Good LORD, not another selfie...WHOA NELLIE, NO, NO, and HELL NO!!! Me before unfriending someone.
Upside to hurricanes... you might get a free boat delivered to your front yard.
Turning on your lights and siren after you lose a drag race is just poor sportsmanship.
If you smoke after sex, you`re doing it to fast.
You can lead a horse to water but I`d rather ride it to the liquor store.
Pokémon means a totally different thing if you`re stuck in prison.
I have the means to do anything that I want on my day off from work which means that I dont want to do anything on my day off from work.
The other night, I posted on Facebook I was going to sleep shirtless. The next day I logged on and saw 7 mosquitoes "like" this.
The quality of a good neighbour is not seeing them often.