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Facebook game requests are like the Jehovah`s witnesses of the internet.
Is a roasted peanut like a regular peanut that was made fun of by celebrity peanuts?
I either want less corruption, or more chance to participate in it!
OK. So I danced like no one was watching. Anyone know a good lawyer?
The only thing creepier than seeing a guy in a Speedo is seeing a guy in a Speedo staring back at you
I noticed you`re not yourself today. I really like it.
I`d steal a doughnut truck and attempt to outrun the cops, just to let people see a bunch of cops chasing a doughnut truck!
Sometimes there just aren’t enough curse words.
Note to self: Stop leaving notes to yourself, you never read them anyway...
If your single and you know it…Pet your cat!
I wish I could get excited as a redneck drinking cheap beer and watching cars go around in circles for hours.
Today I saw a cat with three legs, which was much better than finding the alternative, just a cat`s leg.
If they made a movie of my life, it would just be a lot of scenes where I`m looking for something to wipe my hands on.
My wife just changed here facebook status from "Married" to "widowed", should I be scared?
Maybe don`t show me a picture if you don`t want me to rate your baby.