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We live in an era of smart phones and stupid people.
I bet my road rage would be taken more seriously if I spoke German
I am a completely different person when I`m not under female supervision.
One day when I was at the beach there was a guy in the ocean yelling, "Shark! Help!" And I just laughed. I knew that shark wasn`t going to help him.
Let`s all play a game: For every political post, you must post 5 non political posts. #makefacebookhappyagain
Somebody is out there, somewhere, thinking of the impact you`ve made in their life. It`s not me. I think your an idiot.
is wondering why Facebook bothers to give the option of "liking" my own comment? Of course I like my own comments. I´m awesome..
"Is that for here or to go?" —Real estate agent selling a mobile home
In case of fire, do not use the elevator. Use water...
OH I´m sorry! I didn´t realise you were giving me a dirty look. I just thought you were ugly like that all the time!
Somebody told me I`m horrible with names.
Ok a$$hole, just go around me. I`m already doing 30 over the limit, I`m not speeding up. Stupid car with your stupid flashing lights
doesn`t need any help being bad but u can come along for the ride if your up for it.
How about this for lazy: I`m letting the NSA take all my selfies for me.
The real reason I’m not a superhero…. Pockets, I need my pockets.