Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If I don`t make at least one person scream, "WTF" then my day is not done yet.
I had hopes and dreams. Now I have vodka and the internet.
Never buy the first round cause that`s when people care what they`re drinking!
Hey chicks that only post inspirational shit: we know you’re nuts.
I had been dreaming about eating a giant marshmallow, when I woke up my pillow was gone! :O
Sometimes I think I`m a relatively smart person. Other times I put my shoes on before my pants and realize who I really am.
I slept like a rock last night, meaning I woke up in the flower bed with the house key under my belly.
My brother didnt take kindly to jail. He refused food & drink, and smeared feces on the walls. That`s the last time we`re playing Monopoly.
There’d be less accidents if there was a texting lane.
The skinny girl inside me once tried to come out. I shut that b*tch up with a cupcake
Mirrors don’t lie. And, lucky for me, they don’t laugh either.
I dont need to control my anger everyone around me needs to control their habit of pissing me off!
Depending on how you look at it, half of 8 could be 4, 3, or 0.
Sometimes my brain is like the bermuda triangle...Information goes in then it`s never found again..
One of these days I’ll realize that leaning forward in my car while accelerating does not make it go any faster.