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According to my nipples, summer is over
Sorry I’m cranky. I didn’t get my nap in today.
Life is too short to be angry and hold grudges. Just slap them in the face and move on!
Finally 21 and now legally able to do things which i have been doing since 15….
I tend to avoid things that make me look fat. You know like scales, mirrors and photographs
If you have a tattoo on your face, you`ve lost the right to ask me what I`m looking at.
Do you know how many poisonous apples I`d have to give out before I was considered to be the fairest in the land?
Nothing changes a Facebook relationship status faster than a weekend full of tagged photos!
Sometimes not being in control is the most awesome feeling in the world.
There`s always cake to celebrate happy moments, but I really think cake would do better during the bad times. Got fired? Have a cake.
Your giving me the silent treatment??? FKN FINALLY!!
If you want to have fun with your kids, tell them the teacher called, then ask if there is something they need to tell you.
Just got back from a job fair. Very disappointed. They didn`t have one damn ride.
If they were really trying to prepare high school kids for “real life” they would offer a class called “working with a$$holes”
My chemistry teacher asked us what the heaviest metal was today. Apparently "Megadeath" was the wrong answer.