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I’m not shy, I’m holding back my awesomeness, so I don’t intimidate you.
It is amazing how a nice pair of boobs can hide serious flaws and signs of mental illness until after you marry them!
My kids can be difficult sometimes, but my mom always assures me that I deserve it.
The object of golf.... is to play the least amount of golf.
This liquid diet crap is a scam. I`ve been drinking beer since last Tuesday and I`m still fat.
On my bucket list: To be chased through a kitchen at a Chinese restaurant like in the movies.
Have you ever had a fly or small bug land on your computer screen and your first reaction is to try and scare it with the cursor?
In my porno they`d deliver the pizza after they had sex because otherwise it`d just get cold.
Cheers, to judging people who spell words wrong in their statuses.
wife: It`s ruining date night me: It`s ruining date night because you`re letting it ruin date night hitchhiker: Just drop me off on the corner
Love is... saving money to buy her shoes!
What`s the difference between a Garbanzo Bean and a Chickpea? I never had a Garbanzo Bean on my face.
It`s the weekend!!! The " Responsible Adult Button" has been switched to OFF!!
I say the things better left unsaid.
I keep a second pair of shoes at work, I don`t want people to recognize me when I`m pooping.