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Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!

I`m changing my voicemail greeting to: Please hang up and text me, thanks. ;)
Great. Trapped in an elevator with a dead body again. Well not exactly dead yet but he`s making noises with his gum
"Mail your packages early so the Post Office can lose them in time for Christmas."
I always try to behave but there are usually too many other options.
Hooray ! My face book film has been nominated for an Academy Award
See above or below for better statuses.
I hav 10 fingers bt i usd only.. the thumb to write this...!
I wish I could forget you as easy as I forget my passwords.
IΒ΄m not insensitive, I just donΒ΄t care.
Home alone… Time to teach the neighbors what good music sounds like!
Does Holy Crap comes from Holy Cow.?
You could pleasure me just by walking away.
I once dated a Rockette with Tourette`s. Talk about kicking and screaming!
I could actually watch golf on TV if Land Mines were involved.
HR says I`m not allowed to scream "OH GOD IT BURNS MAKE IT STOP" when I walk through the front door at work anymore :(