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Teamwork is just another way of saying we will soon be sharing in the blame equally.
They say the camera adds 10lbs. Stop eating cameras!
I love it when I Google something I should know the answer to and find out 308 people are just as dumb as I am.
My inflatable girlfriend always looks surprised when I walk into the room.
If your camel toe looks like a elephants hoof, you might want to rethink the yoga pants.
Life gets expensive when you trust a cute woman.
I`m so hot I stalk myself ;)
If you’re a size 0 we shouldn’t be able to see you.
I’d go to the gym but I’m still tinkering with the ultimate workout playlist I started three years ago.
why waste your brain cells to think of a comment when you can just like someone else`s?
My problem is that all food is comfort food
People who live in bouncy castles shouldn’t throw darts.
I miss being in a relationship. Could 1 of you girls come over here and yell at me, treat me like shi t and not sleep with me? It might help.
Peppermint schnapps might seem like a ridiculous drink, but nobody at work ever complains about my breath.
I always say, your laundry is never completely done, unless you do it in the nude. Which probably explains the strange looks at the laundrymat this afternoon.