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7 years ago to this day, I swallowed my gum and broke a mirror, so as you might imagine, this is a pretty big day for me.
My resolution last year was to learn Spanish, and that only lasted about dos weekos.
the dude who posted ”MERRY CHRISTMAS“ has still got his head shoved up the turkeys A$$ it seems...
The first guy who bought pants had to go to the store without pants on, that`s just science.
Unless you fell off the treadmill and smacked your face, nobody wants to hear about your workout.
Got arrested at the airport last week. Apparently, security doesn`t appreciate it when you call "shotgun" before boarding a plane.
2 out of 3 isn`t bad. Unless you come home from the park with 2 out 3 kids.
“Single and ready to mingle” is the fancy way of saying “Alone and desperate”
If you want to set up a company and run it then that`s your business.
I saw a lady with twins babies. One had a shirt that said ‘Copy’ the other ‘Paste’. That made my day.
I`m combining Easter and April Fools day this year - I`m sending the kids out to look for eggs I haven`t hidden.
My box of Animal Crackers said, "WARNING: Do Not Eat if Seal is Broken." I open the box, and sure enough...
To Do: Figure out how to get paid to travel the world and eat.
*driving behind a cop* Well, well, well. Looks like the tables have turned.
Every time I get an eyelash in my eye, I`m reminded of how quickly I would die in the wild.