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7 years ago to this day, I swallowed my gum and broke a mirror, so as you might imagine, this is a pretty big day for me.
My resolution last year was to learn Spanish, and that only lasted about dos weekos.
the dude who posted โ€MERRY CHRISTMASโ€œ has still got his head shoved up the turkeys A$$ it seems...
The first guy who bought pants had to go to the store without pants on, that`s just science.
Unless you fell off the treadmill and smacked your face, nobody wants to hear about your workout.
Got arrested at the airport last week. Apparently, security doesn`t appreciate it when you call "shotgun" before boarding a plane.
2 out of 3 isn`t bad. Unless you come home from the park with 2 out 3 kids.
โ€œSingle and ready to mingleโ€ is the fancy way of saying โ€œAlone and desperateโ€
If you want to set up a company and run it then that`s your business.
I saw a lady with twins babies. One had a shirt that said โ€˜Copyโ€™ the other โ€˜Pasteโ€™. That made my day.
I`m combining Easter and April Fools day this year - I`m sending the kids out to look for eggs I haven`t hidden.
My box of Animal Crackers said, "WARNING: Do Not Eat if Seal is Broken." I open the box, and sure enough...
To Do: Figure out how to get paid to travel the world and eat.
*driving behind a cop* Well, well, well. Looks like the tables have turned.
Every time I get an eyelash in my eye, I`m reminded of how quickly I would die in the wild.