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Waiting to see how long it takes this police sketch artist to realize I`m describing him.
I am so thankful for all the people that aren`t in my life.
Yes, I know how to shut up. I just don´t know when.
Today I am thankful for dirty text messages, stripclubs, and Jack Daniels
Every time I see a safety warning on a product I can`t help think to myself how natural selection has failed us once again...
Let`s lay in bed all day & trade sexual favors for trips to the fridge
To be Frank, I`ll have to change my name.
"May the 4th" be with you!
The only human interaction I want for the rest of the day is the exchange of money between me and the liquor store cashier
Hey dumb a$$. Not everything I post pertains to you. Just the stuff that starts with Hey dumb a$$.
Not to brag, but I have completely mastered the right way to do everything wrong.
Feeling bored? Post a status on Facebook that says "Barack Obama 2016" and buckle up for the ride of your life.
?”Nobody listens to me….” – Yellow traffic light
Some people pass through our lives just to teach us not to be like them.
I like when job applications have a “Some College” option so they know I’m an aimless loser.