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umm umm u know that school where i got the degree from
when she says "size doesn`t matter" what she really means is "I have been disappointed before." :)
Just once I`d like to yell, "Don`t you know who I am?!" because I`m important, not because I`m drunk and actually forgot.
I have an awesome idea, but first I`ll need a zebra, bungee cords, jello, and a partner in crime. Any takers?
You hate me? I didn’t even know you existed.
I think I have a serious problem---Today I was reading the newspaper and found myself looking for the "Like" button.
I have over 500 facebook friends, and i want to say that i love you all...except for number 376 ..you`re a real a@@hole!!
It`s unfortunate that most people will never run out of things to say.
Inviting a friend to play Candy Crush Saga is like hosting an intervention and providing the crack.
He who laughs last didn´t get it.
Porn is the only type of entertainment where "not watching the whole thing" means it was good.
If pigs could fly, nobody would be eating chicken wings.
when people fall in love they are called " love birds." when they fight they are called "angry birds."
I`m posing nude for an art class. No one asked me to. I think they`re making ceramic bowls.
I don`t use cocaine, I just like the way it smells.