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Girls who say "alot of guys are after me" should keep in mind that cheap things always attract many customers.
I learned how to kiss passionately by practicing on my hand, but now it just uses me for sex.
Age has its advantages. Too bad I can`t remember what they are.
Step One: Always have a solid alibi.
Relax, you’re not paranoid at all. Everyone is talking about you.
Definitely never want to own a small fruit stand in an action movie.
Being married is 90% talking about what to have for dinner.
I just found out the neighborhood is having a meeting about the creepy guy. ..Its weird that they forgot to invite me ..
If I was a waiter.. I would plant fake engagement rings in every girl`s champagne glass, just to see their boyfriends panic.
I’m simply on reserve for the one who deserves
My safe word is "Make sure we don`t go over the hour. That`s all the cash I got on me."
The secret to success is sincerity. Once you can fake it then you`ve got it made!
Apparently people will pay to be subjected to medieval torture devices if you call the place a "gym."
All I’m saying is you don’t see many neck tattoos on Jeopardy.
If a cop pulls over a U-Haul, he`s trying to bust a move.