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It`s real cute how pedestrians confuse "right of way" with immortality.
Winter needs to calm the f*ck down
I`d gladly eat raw eggs before my workout provided those eggs were inside brownie batter.
If history repeats itself, I´m totally getting a dinosaur.
I really shouldn`t have driven home from the bar last night. Especially since I walked there.
I look so young for my rage.
The number of lies told by men would decrease significantly if women stopped asking questions
For the love of God, single people, stop looking for love or you`ll end up married.
The trouble with living alone is that it`s always my turn to do dishes.
It`s always quiet on here at the weekends, it`s like you people have lives or something...
Don`t be upset that you`re single; be happy that someone isn`t ruining your life.
"It`s not you, it`s me." -Twins looking at some family photos.
Isn`t it weird when a cop drives by you feel paranoid instead of protected.
I went somewhere earlier and saw a frog parked illegally and the poor thing got toad!!
"Is everything OK?" "Well, I`ve been kind of down since the divorce..." "I meant with your pasta, sir."