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When people ask me what I did over the weekend, I always squint and respond “Why, what did you hear?”
My support group can outdrink your support group.
You can always tell the guys that masturbate a lot by looking at their hands. If you look close enough you can see their wedding ring.
Ironically, Internet was made to save our time.
I may be crazy, but crazy is better than stupid.
I am, have to avoid the leg cramps during sex, years old.
I worry about the future because I know my friends that are teachers.
The easiest way to find out if a movie is on Netflix is to simply ask yourself "do I want to see it?" If you do, it`s not on Netflix.
Anybody know where the cheapest place to buy 12 red roses is?.....just asking for a friend.
"That wasn`t chicken in the Chow Mein" I`d make a great Fortune Cookie writer.
Felt like being Bad today, like an Outlaw Bad, felt like doing something illegal, so I ran through the house ripping off all the Mattress Tags..... Come and get me Coppers, but you won`t take me alive.......................
A procrastinator`s work is never done...
A real man should never wave faster than he says the word “hey”
I just googled Magnum condoms and I swear I could hear Siri laughing.
I drink coffee for your protection.