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How easily you’re offended is directly proportional to how dumb you are.
There`s nothing as wonderful as waking up in the morning next to a gorgeous smiling face. So I keep a mirror next to my bed.
It’s so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don’t say it.
Doing some caroling! All by myself. In people`s backyards. In the bushes. Very little singing. Mostly watching. -Bfanch
Pick a woman with wits. Wits will never sag.
I`ve never said "in all seriousness" and actually meant it.
i like cake. and thats all for today goodbye :)
If there`s no gravity underwater, why do mermaids need those seashell bra`s?
Spoiler alert: Your `97 Nissan Sentra doesn`t need one.
Studies show that people who want tribal tattoos are directly related to living under a rock
Things that don`t kill spiders: 1: furniture polish 2: Febreze 3: butter 4: screaming
Ever notice your Christmas stocking has just enough room for chocolates and a bottle of wine. Coincidence? I don`t think soooo.
Most of my colleagues and friends can`t spell colleagues or friends.
I just did some calculations and I`ve been able to determine that you`re full of sh!t.
My ex-girlfriend broke up with me because she says I was obsessed with football. I was shocked. I mean we were together for 3 1/2 seasons.