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My neck, My back, My Netflix and my snacks...
Hair growing from my ears and nostrils doesn`t mean I`m getting old, right? Means I`m turning into a werewolf! Right?
Kids may be a gift, but I like playing with the box it came in.
I`m not lazy I just really enjoy doing nothing!!
My car broke down outside a massage parlor on today ... And again tomorrow.
A funny thing to do would be to text random numbers with "I got the live bees you sent, they`ll do nicely"
I was late to work because I was having car trouble. And by car trouble I mean I was sleeping and not driving the car.
Guys write songs about girls they love. Girls write songs about guys they have broken up with
Boobs: Proof that men can pay attention to two things at once.
Always remember, it`s better to arrive late than to arrive ugly.
I got the girl to hysterically laugh today just by asking her out for a date.
Now working on my 2nd million. I gave up on the first.
It usually only takes about five minutes into any conversation Iām having before people start shaking their head and quoting the bible.
Well another funny thing about this status is, by the time your done reading this, you realize it talks about absolutely nothing and you just wasted your time. Welcome to Facebook.
Your shirt might say UFC but your body says KFC