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I think the next Star Wars movie should go Country! I would be excited to see Garth Vader.........
Sitting on my hand until it gets numb so it feels like someone else is folding my laundry.
This status is dedicated to whatever you’re ignoring in real life to read it.
Subway is the only place I can walk in and ask for a 12 inch Italian and not feel like a slut.
I think Facebook is the Malaysian plane of the internet. No one on here has been seen by their family in weeks.
People like you are the reason people like me need medication.
I looked up "thesaurus" in my thesaurus and it says "Don`t be a smart-a$$".
I’d slap you but I’m pretty sure they would call it animal cruelty.
My 5yr old learned how to whistle if anyone’s looking for a new 5yr old.
There are plenty of fish in the sea, but I like women.
I have to be funny because being hot is not an option.
is not rude...I just wasn`t taught to politely pretend to be nice to people I can`t stand.
My flock of sheep were stolen from my farm last month. I`ve not been able to sleep since.
"Have you ever wondered if the $1 bills in your wallet were ever in a stripper butt? - You`re wondering now!!!"
Don`t worry, kids. Being an adult is mostly just googling how to do stuff.