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Apparently nothing offends a toddler more than suggesting they might be due for a nap.
Pornography only gets called by its full name when it`s in trouble too.
Money can`t buy you happiness, but it does give you the ability to rent it until you die.
Ahhhh, bad credit…the best identity theft protection.
!f yhu T@k yk d!$, then dont talk to me.
I think the only way I`ll ever be motivated to go to the gym is if I`m in prison.
If I had known "cuties" were little oranges when my wife asked me to "bring a few home," I could have avoided these awkward introductions.
You find my yoga pants distracting ... would you like me to take them off?
I’m starting to think that some of you are misspelling words on porpoise.
I would have a girlfriend but finding someone who likes to be ignored is hard.
Maybe my mom was right all those years ago. Maybe I won`t be happy until someone loses an eye. Maybe that`s what`s been missing.
3 Things you need to know: Yes I Have. Yes I Can. Yes I will.
I wish bedtime was all the time.
Who can really hear themselves thinking?
gone fishing ¸.·´¯`·.¸><((((º>