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Cauliflower is just broccoli ghosts.
I lose all respect for myself when I bite my own tongue. I`ve been chewing for decades, how did I manage to f*ck that up?
The lottery gives you a 1 in 200 million chance you won`t go to work tomorrow. Alcohol gives you 1 in 5. You play your game and I`ll play mine.
Step 1 - Change your Wi-Fi password to "blowmefirst." Step 2 - Wait for someone to ask you for it.
Happy Saturday… the day you can put as much booze into your coffee as you’d like to put in on Monday.
Eventually, some poor astronaut is going to crash into all that Star Wars writing
State of mind is in no mind to state its state of mind.
Hate is too powerful an emotion to waste on somebody you don`t even like.
You`re never too old to throw random sh*t in people`s shopping carts when they aren`t looking.
Why are people with BAD breath always wanting to tell me a secret?
Did you ever stop to think that maybe vodka is addicted to ME?
Sometimes it`s easy to forget we would all violently murder each other if we couldn`t obtain basic food or water. Have a great day guys.
On a scale of 1-10, I give this day a middle finger.
I think people who use "go fly a kite" as an insult don`t really understand kites or insults.
Wonders why we can`t just all get a Long....Island Iced Tea?!?