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I enjoy long walks on the beach and that thing you just did with that banana.
Somedays I could do without the life lesson
The real trouble with reality is that there´s no background music
I swear my cat was an alarm clock in a previous life...
Job interview: Please tell us why you’d love to work for us? ME: I need money :)
Friends are like orgasms... nobody wants the fake ones.
Relationship status: I make my own sandwiches.
I would have a girlfriend but finding someone who likes to be ignored is hard.
I`m tough and can take whatever life throws at me ... Especially if its dipped in chocolate first.
Is Nudeism a religion?
Part of being sane is being a little bit crazy.
I would unblock you but then I`d be admitting I`d made a mistake and that`s just not my thing.
I don`t know why I even bother chewing corn.
Mouth the word " vacuum" to a stranger & see what happens.
Hi you`ve reached my voicemail,,, Please leave your name, number and a damn good reason why this conversation couldn`t be done over text