Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
How do they put the "do not walk on the grass" signs up?
The first order of business for the 115th Congress: blaming everything on the 114th Congress.
Apparently, starting an impromptu game of leap frog with somebody bending over to tie their shoe is considered rude. Church is boring.
Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance…the five stages of me hitting the snooze button in the morning
Take my advice, I don’t use it anyway.
I think the tie was invented by someone who wanted to express how he felt about work but thought an actual noose was too obvious.
You know how people dread going to the dentist? I feel that way about getting out of bed.
I think my guardian angel drinks.
The IRS suggests filing early to reduce the chance that someone will steal your identity and file before you. Honestly, if somebody wants my identity so badly they`ll file my tax return for me, go crazy. You can mow my lawn while you`re at it, too.
Touch it gently, put two fingers inside, if it`s wide use three fingers, make sure it`s wet and rub up and down. Yep that`s how you wash a cup.
i`m my own therapist...which explains so much.
On a scale from 0 to insane I`m batman
See, I would run, but it`s usually bodies of joggers that are found dead in the woods.
I have some serious self-esteem issues. The last time I posted a selfie I first cropped myself out of it.
Just once I want my skills to be so urgently required that a helicopter is dispatched to pick me up.