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I can think of absolutely no acceptable situation where a grown man should be taking a bathroom mirror selfie.
My neighbours were listening to some pretty cool music until the a$$holes asked me to turn it down.
A synonym is a word you use when you can`t remember how to spell the other word.
Fun Fact: Even though they call it a "man hole", you can shove women and children down it just fine.
Behind every successful student, there is a deactivated Facebook account.
I hate it when my fat makes me look fat.
How crazy is it that we used to say "three and a half inch floppy" with a straight face
My wife is a perfectionist but she made an exception in my case.
Whoever said "nothing is impossible" never tried to nail JELL-O to a tree.
Touch my food and suffer the consequences.
Really don`t see the need for pants for the rest of this day. :)
You`re single? BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.. Yea me too.
When you think about how big the Earth is, then how small it is compared to the Sun, and how the Sun is just a speck of dust in the universe, it`s easy to justify eating an entire chocolate cake.
My New Year`s resolution is to help all my friends gain ten pounds so I look skinnier.
I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey but i turned myself around and THAT`S what it`s all about