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Sorry for accidentally karate kicking you. Sorry for high-fiving everyone who saw it.
If you can’t face it, moon it.
"Why yes, I`d love to be a thousand pounds." – my brain when I see a box of donuts
The best thing about owning a Smart Car is if you get too drunk at the bar you can just carry it home.
I like to start my morning off with a good nap.
I hate people who say "Age is just a number" — Age is clearly a word.
People should be required to pay an extra dollar for every syllable of their coffee order.
I look at you and think "why has no-one hit you with a shovel yet?"
The only complaint I have about being married is being married.
I`m bored, I think I`ll ask my boyfriend if I look fat. - women
I looked up "thesaurus" in my thesaurus and it says "Don`t be a smart-ass".
Eating Popcorn: 90% during the trailers. 10% during the movie.
Sometimes I laugh so hard the tears run down my leg ;)
I paid My 11 year old $10 to do the dishes, then on her way to the bathroom I mugged her...because, you know, life lesson.
Friends that are with you during your darkest times probably didn’t pay their electric bill either.