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Just realized the laundry detergent has been in the refrigerator for 3 days, in case you`re looking for a business manager.
You know you`re addicted to your iphone when you start using your fingers to zoom into things on your laptop computer. Or a printed photo. Or a book. Or your watch.
I hate it when teachers say, “You think it’s funny?” Obviously it is, if it wasn’t I wouldn’t be laughing
There’s a very short list of things you can have in your hand while running without looking crazy.
I hate Cheetos stains on my peignoir.........
Why isn`t Hungary`s capital city called "Very"
I can sum up my life in three words: “just browsing, thanks.”
I wonder how many messengers were killed before they came up with the saying.
Why do people ask "What were you thinking?" Obviouly, I thought I was going to get away with it!
Always believe a woman when she says, "you don`t really wanna know"
Whenever I have a panic attack, I put a brown paper bag over my mouth … and drink all the vodka inside … It seems to help
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. -Me with beer, me without beer
All single ladies, stop saying you should just give up and get a cat. If no man wants you, don’t force an innocent cat to live with you.
I have found my sleep number and it is eleven, eleven beers.
It`s really cold out there folks. If you`re heading to Wal-Mart, please wear two pairs of pajamas.