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Meanwhile, Somewhere farther down on your timeline, your aunt just posted the "Footprints" poem on your wall again.
How do I tell my boss I don`t want to do work anymore but still want money.
Those kids in the Trix commercials were real jerks. Why couldn’t they just share their cereal with the rabbit?
My wife and I toss a coin to settle arguments; heads she wins, tails I apologise.
I never thought I’d be the type of person who would get up early in the morning to exercise. I was right.
It`s not illegal to get in a taxi and scream until you`ve reached your destination.
All I`m saying is you don`t see many neck tattoos on Jeopardy.
Say no to drugs! Then again, if you`re talking to drugs, you`re probably already on drugs.
Fun game for parents: Scream in horror the first time your child loses a tooth.
Of course size matters. No one wants a small pizza.
My New Year’s resolution is to save enough to buy a Velcro wall ... I plan on sticking to it.
I don`t understand why people want a relationship when there`s pizza.
There are more important things in life than Facebook and Twitter, like watching TV and having a beer.
Sometimes I can`t figure out if I`m in pre-school... high school.. oh wait, I`m at work.
Not to brag, but my antics at work resulted in several items being added to the employee manual.