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Of course size matters. No one wants a small pizza
You can make your life more entertaining by simply reaching out, and getting to know a whore.
Most problems can be solved with nudity
Remember, You’re only young once, but you can be immature forever.
Nothing good has ever come from answering a call from a blocked phone number.
Remember ladies, if on your 10th selfie you don’t have the perfect one to post you’re really just ugly.
When I see a guy sleeping on an unfolded cardboard box, I never know if he`s homeless or just tired from breakdancing.
Sometimes I feel that I need someone special to complete me, but then I have a pizza and I`m like, "Nope. I`m good."
Never mistake my silence for weakness. No one plans a murder out loud.
25% of of the women in this country are on medication for mental illness. The other 75% are running around untreated.
People who say "Don`t mix drugs with alcohol"" ... they`re stupid, right?
I love asking kids what they want to be when they grow because I`m still looking for ideas
Let’s fix the obesity problem AND improve eye-hand coordination by replacing vending machines with claw machines, make people earn snacks.
The biggest lie I tell myself is “I don’t need to write that down, I’ll remember it”
If I had a penny for everytime I heard you bitch at me I`d have enough money to invest in a hitman