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This woman is so impressed at my driving that she got next to me just to show me she’s not wearing a ring. Thanks hun, but wrong finger!
Someone told me that I seemed a little more classy than usual. The only thing I can think of is they somehow found out I used a Target bag instead of one from Wal Mart to line my bathroom`s wastepaper basket.
You think you are too small to make a difference? then you have never spent a single night with a mosquito.
Simply amazing how one word spoils the whole sentence: I’m getting laid.....off.
All my bills say "outstanding", I guess that means I`m good to go!
I had been dreaming about eating a giant marshmallow, when I woke up my pillow was gone! :O
In case of fire, do not use the elevator. Use water...
Dear sneeze, If you`re gonna happen, happen. Don`t put a stupid look on my face and leave
MAY` contain nudity? Either it does or it doesn`t. DON`T WASTE MY TIME
Please tell me I’m not the only one who opens up their Hershey Kisses ever so gently so that the foil doesn’t tear.
Make yourself indispensable at work by hiding everything.
Sweat pants & Uggs in public says "and I didn`t brush my teeth, either."
That tenth doctor is a selfish idiot, he never recommends anything!
Remembering to remember is always the first thing I forget.
It`s nice that my vacuum has a headlight just in case I want to clean in the dark or wake my dog up thinking he`s getting hit by a train.