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I had s*x with my friend`s wife last night and now I feel awful. She must have had the flu or something.
Alway be nice to anyone that has full access to your toothbrush.
I bet anyone who`s had to fight a bear has snuck at least one hug in
I found $80 in my jeans. The kid in me says "Buy Nerf guns and candy", but the adult in me says "Buy vodka, Nerf guns and candy".
How do you people have the time to hate a stranger on the internet?
Life is tough. It’s even tougher if you’re stupid.
I can tell by your boobs that you`ve never seen a bar tab.
How can I trust you when you keep running away every time I untie you?
Don`t call me names, you don`t know enough words to describe me
I`d be the stripper that got fired for eating her way out of the cake instead of jumping out of it.
Hey rumor has it, that if you look up from your phone you can see all kinds of pretty colors in the trees this time of year.
Just saw a homeless dude with a sign reading "Hungry Hungry Hobo"... I shouldn`t laugh right?
“Star Wars” fans are very upset that the story line of the upcoming new “Star Wars” movie has been leaked. Apparently the movie starts with R2-D2, Chewbacca, and Han
The phrase "the truth shall set you free" does not apply to murder.
B!tch, please! You`re so fake, even barbie is jealous of you