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When I was younger, it was wine, women & song. Now I am older, it`s beer, the old lady & TV!
I’m starting to think that the gym isn’t really for me. I went this morning and laid down on the mat to do some sit-ups. I woke up 2 hours later.
Taco Bell is donating burritos to feed firefighters in Colorado. Talk about putting gas on the fire,
I love long legs.... Long sexy legs..... But not on a Spider, I hate long sexy legs on a Spider.
is "insert clever remark here."
I`m now at the age where if I see a nice nursing home, I make a mental note of it.
We always say that our elders are wise, because of their years of experience. But you know what? ... Stupid people get old too.
Like a stoned man once said, I can`t remember.
I`m out of bacon. This is my suicide note.
I go out all day looking good and saw no one I know. I go out for 5 minutes looking like sh!t and it`s all of the sudden a f*cking reunion.
I used to question how much information was too much information. Joined Facebook, It`s much clearer now
I need to stop lying to myself ... This bag of Reese cups will never make it to Halloween
Judging by the commercials, only old white guys with sailboats can suffer from erectile dysfunction.
You care so much about me? Keep that sh*t to yourself i got my demons under control
Some of you are like family to me. I don’t want you calling me either.