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The only way to open a pack of toilet paper is to fingerblast a hole through the plastic in one of the roll holes
Have you heard about the new movie called constipation? It hasn`t come out yet.
Just found some old sex coupons I got from an ex for my b-day. Any of you ladies take competitor`s coupons?
A friend of mine asked what it`s like to raise a small toddler so I coughed directly in his mouth
I`m not bothered if someone likes me or Not. Even Angels are hated by Demons.
I got kicked out of my Community Theater group when the director asked to see me Limp. How was I to know he was talking about walking?
Shark week is over, but I`m not taking my decorations down.
Ladies, when it comes to doggy style.....I`m behind you 100%
My wife says I talk while I sleep. But I’m skeptical. Nobody at work has ever mentioned it.
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
I have no idea how I use to get around in the dark before I had a cell phone.
All single ladies, stop saying you should just give up and get a cat. If no man wants you, don’t force an innocent cat to live with you.
Ten out of ten pigs prefer turkey bacon over regular bacon.
Paperclips: The staple for people with commitment issues.
If you want to go running with me, you`d better be prepared to walk a lot.