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So they say that having to much sex can cause memory loss, which is just a little something I seem to remember reading in a Rolling Stone magazine once on page 64 paragraphs 3 through 5 while sitting on a park bench October 14th 2002 at 3:46 p.m
Being rich doesn`t equal happiness but i`d rather cry in a ferrari
“Have you tried just drinking ALOT of vodka?”- me as a therapist
The gym is like church to some people. No matter what they do all week, they think they can erase it with one visit.
The best thing about falling down when you`re home alone is that you can just lie on the floor and take a nap.
If you can read this please let me know – because it means I blocked the wrong person.
My daughter is worse than a twitter newbie.. She manually Retweets everything I say... To my wife!
If someone asks for advice, just tell em to follow their heart. No idea what that sh!t means but at least they`re not talking to you anymore.
I haven`t lost all of my marbles but there is definitely a hole in the bag.
I hate mosquitoes, I mean I know I’m delicious but damn.
The only difference between Black Friday and a zombie apocalypse is that zombies don`t care if you get the last iPad Mini.
I can tell by your boobs that you`ve never seen a bar tab.
Some people repeat themselves when they`re drunk & some people repeat themselves when they`re drunk.
According to my roommate`s diary, I have boundary issues.
Sex Is Like Math: Add The Bed, Subtract The Clothes, Divide The Legs, And Pray To God You Don`t Multiply!