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Be careful, there is also plenty of mentally unstable fish in the sea.
Sometimes I wanna copy someone´s status word for word and see if they notice.
Sometimes it’s funnier when you DON’T add “lol” at the end. lol
Happy 4th of July ... U can toss out the Christmas tree now
You know what’s worse than slow internet? NOTHING.
My wife`s credit cards were stolen last week. I haven`t reported it yet though...because so far, they are spending less than she was.
Of all the lies I`ve told in my life, "Just kidding" is my favorite.
My wrinkles are all from laughter. Except those between my eyebrows. Those are my `WTF` lines and those things are deep.
I`m not the cat lady type. I`m more like an actual cat. I want affection when I want it and on my terms. The rest of the time I want to claw out your eyes and piss in your shoe.
I have a lot on my plate right now. Not busy, just hungry.
I`m going to start tackling random guys in football jerseys saying "look how he`s dressed. He was asking for it!"
The realization that Netflix knows me better than my closest friends....
Still waiting on the "Once you go black, you`ll never go back" episode of Mythbusters.
Yes, I used to "dance like no one is watching"; at least until Google Earth sent me a certificate for ten free lessons.
Doctor told me to lose some weight, and suggested walking.So no more drive through taco bell. Now I park 5 spaces away and walk in