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Good thing girls started uploading pictures next to a pool with the caption "Summer is finally here!" or we wouldn`t have known it`s summer.
He is proud of himself. He finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months and the box said 2-4 years.
Soul mates are people with the mutual understanding that no one else will put up with their sh!t.
English = Hello. Spanish = Hola. French = Bonjour. Japanese = Konnichiwa. Chinese = Nî Hâo. Italian = Ciao. Me = Sup B*tches.
My friends were alway so nice. They were like "of course you`re not fat! Come on, grab two chairs and sit with us" :)
I hate when I drop my pen on the floor and it`s slightly out of reach so I leave it there forever.
I always wince when someone tells me they’re going to hit the sack.
No magician can do a trick that impresses me as much as that ‘take off my bra and make it appear out of my sleeve’ thing that girls do.
Actually officer, I`d prefer to think that vodka smells like me.
This relationship is going to be weird if you keep pretending I`m not your boyfriend.
After a year in therapy my psychiatrist said to me " maybe life isn`t for everyone"
On a scale of 1-10, I give this day a middle finger.
Why would a married man buy a hearing aid?
Some of you are like family to me. I don’t want you calling me either.
Due to the rising cost of ammunition I will no longer be able to provide a warning shot. Thanks for your understanding.