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So how long before GoFundMe is our nation`s leading health care provider?
I bet more people would call the Gambling Addicts Helpline if they made every 5th caller a winner.
Telling someone they shouldn`t be sad because others have it worse is like telling someone they shouldn`t be happy because others have it better.
"No comment" - said no woman, ever
FACEBOOK STORY: Add as friend – Approve -> Write something on wall -Intro – Everyday chatting – Ask number phone – Messaging – Calling – Meeting – Express love – Make relationship status – Hangout – Misunderstanding – Fight – Break up – Unfriend – Block !THE END
Why procrastinate today when you can procrastinate tomorrow?
The next time the creepy guy at the bar asks you "Why aren`t you smiling?" simply reply, "I don`t smile while I fart."
Cut out the middleman and just list 911 as your emergency contact.
Men think they have it bad, but they`re not the ones having to hold their boobs when they run.
I do not argue, I explain why I’m right.
What if Oxygen makes our voice really deep…. And Helium just brings it back to normal?
I always carry a jellyfish in case I need to pee on someone.
The song "Take me out to the Ballgame" is sung almost exclusively by people who are already at a ballgame.
It`s not karma, you`re just an idiot.
When I`m bored, I like to superglue Doritos to my cat and make it run around the house like a stegosaurus.