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The reason good men are hard to find is because they`re usually too busy working.
I love my car. Without it, I would not be where I am today.
Can’t find your children? Try turning off the wifi. They appear suddenly.
You will never find the right person if you do not let go of the wrong one. Call me!
I have decided I no longer want to be an adult. So if anyone needs me, I`ll be in my blankey fort... coloring.
Sitting on my hand until it gets numb so it feels like someone else is folding my laundry.
"Who`s this clown?" - every guy about every other guy who is in a photo with a girl we like
I went to buy condoms and the cashier just said "yeah right" and put em back on the shelf
My talent is being wasted, if that counts as a talent.
Men also have feelings. For example, we can feel hungry.
A massage is just professional petting for humans.
I have decided to stop exercising and just learn Photoshop.
Sometimes I feel like a semicolon. I don`t know where I belong.
How can you tell if someone went to the gym? Don’t worry, they’ll tell you.
I had lunch with a chess player yesterday. It took him 20 minutes to pass the salt.