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I have just one word for beautiful women with questionable morals, poor decision making skills and an insatiable sex drive ..."Hi"
Didn’t have internet on my phone for the past few hours. Finally graduated, got married, lost some weight, read 17 books and showered.
They say if the palm of your hand itches, you`re going to get something. And if your crouch itches, you`ve already got it.
Yesterday I had to screw in a light bulb . Later, I crossed a road and walked into a bar. My life is a joke.
If you can`t fix it with duct tape or beer ... it ain`t worth fixin`
Slow dancing with a fat girl? More like moving a fridge by yourself.
Give a man a gun and he can rob a bank, give a man a bank and he can rob the world.
The monent of triumph when your bag is the first off the plane.
Just saw a Christmas tree drive by with a Smart Car strapped to the bottom of it.
Your shadow is a confirmation that light has traveled nearly 93 million miles unobstructed, only to be deprived of reaching the ground in the final few feet thanks to you
When will math grow up and start solving its own problems
Just been on a diabetes awareness website and it asked me if I accept cookies. Is that a trick question?
“I’m sorry” and “my bad” mean the same thing… Unless you’re at a funeral.
Next on SportsCenter: Where is Tim Tebow watching the Super Bowl and how will that impact the game?
1) Second. 2) Minute. 3) Hour. 4) Day. 5) Week. 6) Month. 7) Year. 8) Decade. 9) Century. 10) Millennium. 11) Women buying clothes.