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I party like a Rockstar. A very poor Rockstar who isn`t in a band anymore.
Before I wash my socks, I just throw one in the trash.
If Shrek can find love, so can you. What I`m trying to say is, you look like Shrek
The Great Wall of China has brought more foreigners than it has kept out.
I will always love you, even if I have to from no closer than 300 feet.
Behind every great women is a man checking out her a$$
I`ve made up my mind, I`m not giving up anything for Lent, I`m no quitter...
L`oréal`s mascara makes your lashes 60% longer? Wow! They should make condoms.
Time to be an adult and give up my bath time rubber ducky. I´m upgrading to the tugboat!
The internet has made me so ADD. Started off googling "how to replace a timing belt" ended up watching a video on how to milk a camel.
Like if you really googled to see if that kid really died from masturbating
If I had a dollar for every time someone has told me to "grow up," I could probably afford a whole arsenal of Super Soakers.
I once dated a woman who thought windmills were solar powered. I`m so glad I don`t drink anymore.
Just looked at the price of baby strollers. I think were gonna have an indoor baby.
Why isn`t cat food made from birds, mice and squirrels??