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Do gun manuals have Trouble Shooting sections?
I just made you think of an elephant
The most misinformed people think they know all the facts.
OMG! A CUSTOMER ALMOST DIED IN FRONT OF ME TODAY!! But then I counted to 10 and put the scissors back in the drawer. She never even knew.
Sluts are just hookers with no grasp of economics.
"I have no idea. Why don`t you just Google it?" —My answer to just about every question I`m ever asked
If you say "cash money" around me, Don`t act surprised when I kick you in the "balls nuts" See how stupid that sounds?
My ex got run down by a bus today. I thought "Wow, that could have been me!" but I can`t drive a bus.
Never call a woman crazy because she will say, “I’m not crazy!” and then go and do something crazy. Probably with matches.
I`ll never be to old to redecorate your garden gnomes in the middle of the night.
My bank statement is just a visual record of bad decisions.
On demand sucks. Hoarders made me fill up the dumpster and clean the house. Now I want to collect coupons and go to the pawn shop....
I bet if Jesus had turned water into Vodka. The Bible would`ve been a lot more interesting.
When I think of all the money I`ve spent on booze in my life, I wish I had it all back. Imagine all the booze I could buy!
Too many people complain about their looks, but not nearly enough complain about their brains.