Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`m just a few smartphone apps away from never having to talk to anyone again.
This headache feels like dumb people
why do wise people never make wisecracks?
I get more excited seeing my luggage on a baggage carousel than I do seeing a person I know.
Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over? Me: To propagate authoritarianism and generate revenue for the state? Cop: ...
Waiting for the day when a girl finally says that I’m “the one,” but isn’t talking to a police officer.
I don`t think my neighbor knows my rule about not interacting unless we`re both pointing at the same tornado.
Unless you fell off the stairmaster and a barbell fell on your face... no one wants to hear about your workout.
Life is just like a p@nis: Simple, relaxed and hanging freely, It`s the women who make it hard.
Remember when phones were stupid and people were smart? hmm...
Sometimes, entire relationships can be chalked up to, "that weird thing I did for a while."
If they made a movie of my life, it would just be a lot of scenes where I`m looking for something to wipe my hands on.
Walmart...because going to Target requires identity theft protection and a shower.
I play hard to get along with.
Was hating my job until I drove past a grown man dressed as a Taco on the side of the road. Thanks again Perspective