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Nipples: Nature`s thermometer.
Relationship status: my cat won`t sit still for our selfies.
Someone once said that I should always treat other people how I would like to be treated. Now I`m facing sexual harassment charges.
Once your pants catch fire, the fact that you`re lying becomes less important.
I tried stuff once. It was horrible.
Wake up, kids! Bees can`t even read, much less spell. IT`S A SCAM!
I`ve started to make a fresh start in 2015, so if I owe you money, too bad.
I wish I was as fat as the first time I thought I was fat.
Two drunk guys driving down the road, One says to the other "We must be getting closer to town!" The other guys says, "How can you tell?" He says "Were hitting more frickin people."
my mom and I have so much in common..she doesn`t listen and niether do I :p
Which one of you is Moderation? I keep getting told we need to drink together.
My mind has a mind of its own.
Meanwhile on Facebook someone has made a casserole....
Being fabulous all day makes me really, really tired.
MARRIAGE TIP: Don`t get fat.