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I might not be a great example, but I´m one hell of a good warning.
Fun Fact: A pizza will never sleep with your best friend behind your back.
Massaging the shoulders of the person in front of you at the Redbox machine will usually help them make up their mind faster.
The sight of naked cleavage reduces a man`s ability to reason by 50% ... Per boob.
’Friday’ is my second favourite word starting from the letter `F`. :)
I hate when I`m on Facebook and I`m rudly interrupted by a jogger bouncing off my windshield
30+ and single? There`s an app for that. Wait. My mistake. A cat for that.
Politicians are people who have too little an amount of morals and ethics to remain lawyers.
Just once I want my boss to assume I`m tired in the morning because I fight crime all night, not because of all the booze I drank.
If we`re all expected to have sex with our Valentine on Valentine`s Day, I`m truly dreading Presidents` Day.
I like to walk up to strangers and ask, "Would you take a photo of me?" If they say yes I hand them a photo of me and walk away.
Everyone please stop doing crimes because sirens are too noisy.
Can I get likes for no reason?
I`d like to help you out ... Which way did you come in?
If you come up to my bedroom door and find a sock on the knob it means I`m having sex ... Probably with the other sock.