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Sex without love is merely healthy exercise.
Pretty cool how the internet lets you stay connected with people you haven`t seen in years and silently judge them on a daily basis.
I don’t understand the point of lap-dancing clubs. If I wanted a woman to take all my money and sexually frustrate me, I’d stay at home with the wife.
I swear, watching people at a 4-way stop sign is like watching `Night at the Roxbury.` "Him? Me? Oh Me? Me or Him?"
It`s hard to diet when your favorite exercise is chewing...
Sign outside a Drug Rehab Centre: "Keep off the Grass!"
I`d like to apologize for getting drunk and making an ass of myself at your Christmas party next week...
A man made eye contact with me on the train, so I left my shoe behind ... And now, we wait...
Imagine taking your girlfriend to your friends house for the 1st time, and her phone automatically connects to his password protected wifi.
I suspects that whoever named that Icelandic volcano (Eyjafjallajokull) must have fallen asleep on their keyboard while thinking it up.
I know some of you would find it hard to believe, but I don`t say everything that pops into my head. I don`t think the average person could handle it.
FYI: Every Scooby Doo episode would literally be 2 minutes long, if the gang went to the mask store 1st & asked a few questions.
I never want to go to sleep less than I do at bed time.
I don`t fear death... It happens to everyone. I just hope when I am dead and buried, I don`t vote Democrat.
I can`t turn water into wine, but I can turn vodka into dinner