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Let´s drink tequila till you don´t remember what I suggest next..
I just gave my ex a big hug which can only mean one thing. That`s right I have the flu and I love sharing.
I`ve just borrowed a book on surgery from my local library. Apparently someone`s taken the appendix out.
You can pretty much text anything as long as you put a happy face emoticon afterwards. You`re a slut :)
My safe word is letsgetmarried.
I was getting really depressed today but then I realized double cheeseburgers exist
If Coca-Cola REALLY cared about the obesity problem they`d put cocaine back in their recipe.
I hate it when teachers say, “You think it’s funny?” Obviously it is, if it wasn’t I wouldn’t be laughing
It`s a shame that stupidity can`t be converted into a usable energy source.
I won’t come to your party unless you have an animal I can spend the whole time hanging out with.
Repeat after me: It doesn’t matter how big the problem is, posting it on Facebook won’t solve it.
Everything I like is either: illegal, immoral, fattening, addictive, expensive, or impossible.
Don`t waste your time being difficult. Put forth a little more effort and be impossible.
The best thing about telepathy is.. I know, right!
If you live up be 100, you should make up some fake reason why, just to mess with people… like claim you ate a pinecone every single day.