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Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.
Anyone know when Facebook is sending us our W-2`s?
Whoever invented self checkout greatly overestimated the general intelligence of the human race.
I’m right 97% of the time…who cares about the other 4%.
Slow dancing with a fat girl? More like moving a fridge by yourself.
I remember 2011 like it was yesterday. ;)
Did I already do my deja vu joke?
All my friends are getting married and having kids or getting really good at video games.
The only sit up I do is the one I use to get out of bed.
I want it all and I want it delivered.
The awkward moment when people think you`re drunk when in fact you`re just a blast naturally.
Understanding women number 476,395: Women like to talk about their feelings.
I will never repeat filthy rumors. So listen closely the first time.
That awkward moment when you type your password where you should`ve typed your email, and your friend`s standing right there -___-
I had lunch with a chess player yesterday. It took him 20 minutes to pass the salt.