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It takes a brave man to admit when his wife is wrong .
Why are kids obese? Maybe because Burgers are $.99, & Salads are $4.99.
I like my women how I like my straws …. Bendy and full of liquor.
Question: : What do you get if you add human DNA to a goat? ... Answer: Kicked out of the petting zoo
After four karate lessons, I can now break a two-inch board with my cast
No horror movie can surpass the sensation of touching your pockets and not feeling your cell phone.
I was admiring my six pack in the mirror for two hours,then it got cold and I put it in the fridge
I wonder if the earth teases other planets for having no life.
If you keep bending your iPhone 6 you`ll eventually have a sweet flip phone.
It’s the people that DON`T talk to themselves that are the crazy ones. At least that’s what I tell myself.
You ever notice that the number of extra steps a drunk takes getting home? ...its staggering!
There is a 3-for-2 sale in my local shoe shop. I almost bought myself a new pair of shoes, but couldn`t decide whether to get an extra left or a right one as part of the offer....
Truthfully, I`d like you all a whole lot better if you were bacon.
PARENTS: your teen may be worshipping Satan. Look for these terms: LOL - Lucifer Our Lord, BRB - Burn Religious Books, TBH - Tell Beelzebub Hi
I can always tell when I`m drunk. I tend to drop things...like my standards