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People who are about to tell you something then say "never mind" are the reason why I sometimes admire serial killers
Let`s talk about how fabulous u think I am.
In alcohol`s defense, I`ve done some pretty dumb shit while completely sober too.
Boys are like roses, watch out for the pr!cks...
A drunk man walks into a bar...but enough about me...
In my defense, your honor, he had the keyboard clicking sound on his phone turned on
People assume Iām smart when they see my glasses case. Then they see that I use it to store a Snickers bar and they recognize my true genius.
I ran into my ex the other day. I could have sworn the light was green.
Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarfs aren`t happy.
Hey,,,, I said I`d be there in 10 minutes... Quit calling me every half hour.
Love your neighbor, but don`t get caught...
If I had to describe myself in one word, it would be "bad at following directions."
If you`re feeling too good about yourself, go ask a 5 yr old to guess your age. That should even things out.
I just threw up my weekend.
Ive been invited to farmville! Now what to wear...