Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I wonder if "Sober Me" knows that "Drunk Me" can Breakdance?
I tried to log in on my ipad. Turns out it was an Etch-a-Sketch and I don`t own an ipad. Also, I`m out of vodka.
I have been left unsupervised yet again. This usually leads to trouble & other bad things, please have bail money ready and keep your phone on.
There really isn`t much difference between being a kid and being an adult. I was just as emotionally crippled upon learning the truth about Penthouse Letters as I was about Santa Claus.
I hate sharing popcorn with someone at the cinema and our fingers touch. Especially if I don`t know them, and they don`t know we`re sharing.
People who say `expresso` instead of `espresso,` may I axe you to please stop? Thanx.
Oh I thought it was wait 30 YEARS after eating before you exercise.
The hardest part about being humble is not telling people how much better I am than they are.
I don`t drink these days. I`m allergic to alcohol and narcotics. I break out in handcuffs.
How do American chickens cross the road? In a bucket.
Dear life, When I said "can my day get any worse?" it was a rhetorical question, not a challenge.
I was asked what I would give the woman who has everything... Well, my phone number for a start.
Why is it that people who drink energy drinks seem like the people with the least amount of sh!t going on?
If I was rich, I´d do nothing all day from a much nicer recliner.
Dear whoever ate my fries while i was in the ball pit at McDonald`s... grow up!!