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You can`t fix STUPID, but you can Numb it with a 2x4.
"I`m $50 away from getting free shipping which is only $5 and what I want is $12 so I need to spend $38 more to save money." -my brain
There comes a time in the day, when no matter what the question, the answer is booze.
I`m so broke that I can`t even pay attention!
Don’t trust people that dislike pizza. They’re probably not human.
Never underestimate a girl’s ability to find things out.
Day 1-365: I am thankful for Veterans.
If you can afford a gym membership, you can afford deodorant.
Just how hairy was the dude who invented a shampoo called Head & Shoulders?
No matter how lazy you feel, just remember that Goldilocks decided to take a nap during a break and enter.
Shopping at the Dollar Tree makes me feel rich and poor at the same time.
When I die I want someone to play that little death jingle from Mario Bros at my funeral.
If you have to tell us that you`ve been going to the gym, you probably need to go more often....
Putting ketchup on steak should also affect your credit score.
The real reason I’m not a superhero…. Pockets, I need my pockets.