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I like to play fetch with my cat....which, you know, is just me throwing stuff,,, followed by disappointment.
A recent survey revealed that 4 out of 5 women think I`m an a-hole...
It would be cool if you heard a thunder bug a few seconds after you saw a lightning bug.
GIRLS: To make a guy panic, simply ask, " Notice anything different?`... works EVERY time
Digging through a box in the closet, I found a picture of me sitting on Santa`s lap. Hard to believe that was almost a year ago.
I`ve found the most effective way to get an attractive guy to fall for me is by simply using my charm... and then a stun gun.
I just burned 1200 calories.I forgot the pizza in the oven.
How do you spot a blind man at a nude beach? It`s not hard.
I wonder how many couples would still be together if they traded phones for a weekend
Sorry ladies, but I already got my eyes on a woman who`s not interested.
Thanks to my mom, I put my name on all of my underwear so they`re easier to spot when I go through the bar`s lost and found box.
Hey rumor has it, that if you look up from your phone you can see all kinds of pretty colors in the trees this time of year.
I`m so proud of myself, I spent all night putting my Christmas decorations up myself.. I`m now at the hospital having them removed
I don`t understand why I cant lose weight. I thought dieting was a piece of cake.
Oh really? It takes fewer muscles to smile than to frown? How many muscles does it take to mind your own business