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No children were harmed in making this status. Ignored perhaps, but certainly not harmed…
You know your fat when you sit in the bath tub and the water in the toilet rises.
If kids get money for losing teeth, what do I get for all this hair I’m losing?
I have a bad habit of laughing at inappropriate moments.
When your wife`s in labour, never sneak a look at the business end; it`s like watching your favourite pub burn down.
Guy test! find the nearest guy by you and repeat to him the following slowly: Door knob, Titanic, Gluestick, Kiwi, Opra Winfey, Shovel, Boobs, Remote, Battery, Furby, Glowstick, Beer, & Xbox. NOW ask him what he remembers before "Boobs"
TV and the Internet are good because they keep stupid people from spending too much time out in public.
I will be responsible for my actions when my actions become more responsible.
I`ll never forget the first time we met. Although, I will keep trying.
Sometimes I feel moderately intelligent. Other times I have to sing the “ABCs” in my head to remember which letter comes next.
Always keep a bottle of wine in the fridge for special occasions. You know…like Thursday.
If I`m in a public bathroom and someone else in that same bathroom is on the phone and states that they are ANYWHERE ELSE, I flush my toilet
I’ve thought about running away as an adult way more than I did as a child.
My ex-girlfriend said she broke up with me because I was childish and immature. I think it`s because she`s a big dumb stinky head that`s jealous of my awesome Transformers collection.
I`m smiling ... You should be scared.