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Funniest thing ever heard on TV. "Ward, you were a little hard on the Beaver last night"
I regret nothing but mostly because I can`t remember most of the stuff I should probably regret
Four out of five voices in my head are saying this is gonna´ be a great day.
She might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty`s only a light switch away.
For a guy who cant figure out how a remote works my dad sure has a lot of advice for Obama.
Cool thing about winter is after grocery shopping your car can double as your refrigerator.
Conspiracy theorists are all so dumb that I suspect they`ve been planted by a secret organization to distract us from what`s really going on
Even though I`m only 29, I know I`m going to die a bitter, lonely, miserable old man ... I`m married.
Of course you have a right to your own opinion. Just like I have a right to tell you to shove it up your a$$.
If tit for tat doesn`t mean flashing guys with tattoos, than I`ve been doing it wrong this whole time.
Somehow, hitting the "end call" button on the cell phone just doesn`t feel nearly as good as the old days when you could slam the phone down on somebody.
Helping my kid study for her geology exam, and apparently `hard` `classic` and `punk` are not the 3 different types of rock.
Walmartians: Nothing says `FML` like these curious abominations of the shopping world.
Sometimes, the light at the end of the tunnel is just a lost guy with a flashlight.
The best way to let people remember you is to `borrow money from them`