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That awkward moment when You accidentally hit the LIKE button During Facebook stalking.
The pollen is so bad this year that the people in the trailer parks are turning their crystal meth back into Sudafed.
I`ve eaten enough chinese food in my day that my fortune cookies have started to contradict one another
Either I need to up my dosage or my income.
So if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the “Jags” and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the “Bucs,” what does that make the Tennessee Titans?
What`s it called when it`s 9:20am and you can`t wait for dinner? Oh, it`s called fat. Nevermind.
I`m now at the age where if I see a nice nursing home, I make a mental note of it.
Mosquito landed on my friend`s face; easiest decision of my life.
Boobs, because you can`t motorboat a personality.
I just awesomed all over the place.
If a bag is not resealable then it contains one serving. I don`t make the rules.
A quiet man is a thinking man. A quiet woman is usually mad.
Whenever you`re feeling down and in the dumps, just remember...the rest of us have been feeling that way about you too!
Hmmmmm,,,, Turns out all this time, I’ve been using a life couch instead of a life coach.
Saying a prayer for all the turkeys today. Also the single people with concerned relatives.