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If you can`t handle me at my worst...I don`t blame you, neither can I.
Why is it when you go to get your drivers license photo, they tell you to smile. Your not smiling when the police pull you over.
According to the squirrel riding a unicycle in my kitchen, I may have taken too much sleep medication.......
The best curve on a girl is her smile ;) ... Lol just kidding!
Here walk a mile in my shoes. They`re giving me huge blisters.
I`ve started to make a fresh start in 2015, so if I owe you money, too bad.
I ordered some bubble wrap online. It arrived in a box surrounded by packing peanuts.
Right now my life is about as organized as the $5 DVD bin at Wal-mart.
I won $20 by not playing the lottery last night!
Anybody wanna go halfsies on an orgasm?
Have you ever wondered about the look on someone`s face if you hide under their bed and grab their foot in the middle of the night? Just something to think about.....goodnight!
Never laugh at your wife`s choices. You are one of them :)
I have nothing!
Sometimes, when dealing with people, you can`t help but stop and think, "Yup, I`m about to get my first assault charge."