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I wonder how many strangers have stories about me.
Due to inflation, a picture is now only worth 700 words.
Are security guards at Samsung stores called Guardians of the Galaxy?
I’m always frank with my sexual partners. Don’t want them knowing my real name.
My inner child has a bottle of vodka in one hand, a whip in the other and a broken halo sticking out of her back pocket.
I`m pretty sure there`s a chip in my car that turns all traffic lights RED...
Facebook, Pinterest and Instagram have taught us that for every giant technological leap ahead, we will find a way to use it for dumb sh!t.
When your kids become teenagers, it`s important to have a dog so someone in the house is happy to see you.
The longer I`m left unattended in the Drs office the more tongue depressors I can lick and put back in the jar..... Just sayin
is a reasonably intelligent person who does moderately stupid things on a semi-regular basis.
Don`t kiss behind the garden . Love is blind but the neighbors are not :P
I swear, its like EVERY payday I gotta spend money cause there`s a birthday party to go to, a wedding, a baby shower, a new video game, a new stripper, something. Always something...
Avoid hangovers: stay drunk ;)
My girlfriend says I need to grow up. I think she`s just angry I didn`t give her the password to my pillow fort.
People who go to the store and buy the single roll of toilet paper must not have an optimistic view of their life expectancy.