Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Girls become instant best friends when they find out they hate the same people.
A Lion would never cheat on his wife.. but a Tiger wood.
OK. Who decided to call it "possession of marijuana" and not "joint custody"?
I think sex is probably the best stress reliever, but I haven’t beaten anyone with a baseball bat before, so I can’t be 100% sure.
I`d walk barefoot across an ocean of Legos for you.
Was born with a rare condition called "Amazing"
It isn`t a successful BBQ until an intoxicated idiot runs face first into a sliding glass door. I`m fine by the way.
whenever I take my clothes off the shower usually gets turned on
When I`m in an elevator with a stranger I generally hold their hand to let them know that they`re safe
My penis was in the Guinness book of World Records. Then the librarian told me I had to take it out before she called security.
Call me old school, but I think your shorts should be longer than your private parts.
I know you shouldn`t text and drive but I`ve only had 2-3 texts tonight, tops, so I should be okay to drive.
Youth is wasted on the young.
Noise canceling toilets should be a thing.
If you kept one of those jars where I`d have to put in a quarter every time I swore, you would be a billionaire by the end of the week.