Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
They say you have real problems if you hear disembodied voices; fortunately all my imaginary friends have bodies.
What idiot named them jet skis instead of boatercycles?
The best thing about the internet is how quickly you can offend the maximum amount of people with minimum effort
I swear, watching people at a 4-way stop sign is like watching `Night at the Roxbury.` "Him? Me? Oh Me? Me or Him?"
The older I get the more I understand Squidward`s anger.
"My name is Robert and I support apples." -- Bob for apples
I use awkward numerical range description anywhere between 13 and 4 times a day.
The sound of children laughing makes me happy. Unless I`m home alone and my power goes out.
Sign said “WET PAINT” So I emptied my water bottle on it. I’m currently waiting on further instructions.
Thinking " What would happen if the whole world farted at once and a person lit a lighter?"
I`m known all over the world for my exaggerations.
They should make Vodka ChapStick
This status update is a test. It is only a test. Had this been an actual emergency, we would have fled in terror and you would not have been notified.
Fast food places should have a third window, where you can trade in the wrong stuff they gave you at the second window.
Most of the lies I tell aren`t even true!