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If I pay $30 for a haunted house I better die.
Don`t run with scissors -- unless you`re stealing scissors, of course. If so, run. Run like the wind scissor thief!
I’m not shy, I’m holding back my awesomeness, so I don’t intimidate you..
There should be an energy drink named 6 AM child
It`s pretty amazing how many times my daughter likes to say "it`s not fair!" considering she has never had to pay taxes
If your that person that makes microwave popcorn at work, nobody likes you.
Do gun manuals haue a trouble shooting section?
You don`t truly know someone until you see how they react to their bag of chips getting stuck in a vending machine.
Well, just 8 more hours of Facebook and I can go back to bed. *phew*
I`m sleeping in tell Friday so ... Happy Tuesday.
People be like: "Awe baby you make me so happy." But the second you break up they be like, "finally happy."
Letting the cat out of the bag is a whole lot easier than putting it back in.
If by "crunches" you mean the sound potato chips make when you chew them, then yes, I do crunches.
I love strapping my kids into their car seats. It’s the closest I can legally come to putting them in straitjackets.
I don`t like morning people ... Or mornings ... Or people.