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Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!

I asked my girlfriend if she was ok with me buying her a ring. She said "nothing would make me happier!" So I got her nothing.
DAMN! I`m so drunk that I cooked a pizza for 450 minutes at 15 degrees.
I wonder what my dog has named me?
Ever since I heard that women have one breast bigger than the other,it`s given me another reason to stare.
Nice try "Private Caller", but I wont`t answer even if I know you.
How about a T.V. show that just explains the backstory on all of the "For External Use Only" warning labels.
One of my female friend is reading a book called "Learn to drive in a week" for the last 3 years.
I bet someone could get really rich opening a business that untangles Christmas lights!
The guy who named the "chimichanga" should be given more authority to name things.
There`s a sucker born every minute, but swallowers are harder to find.
I can catch a speeding bullet- only once.
Looks like you have a lot on your mind. Do you wanna drink about it?
I love facebook because it helps me remember what I did the night before when I blacked out.
Improve your day by ordering coffee in the voice you use for your pets.
Whenever I hear someone call my name, my first instinct is to walk faster