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As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I remind myself that you cant always trust Google maps
Any pencil can be a number two pencil if you eat it.
I don`t think boredom gets enough blame for the trouble it causes.
If pigs could fly.. Would I be able to get high on bacon?
I`ll make better mistakes tomorrow.
Clearly, you are a person with an open mind. I can feel the breeze from here.
We should not have trusted anything Charlotte wrote in her web. She was consistently talking out of her ass.
I keep my landline active because I know sooner or later Trinity or Morpheus will contact me.
I`m proud to announce that I`m still the undefeated champion at racing with drivers who don`t know we`re racing.
I would unblock you but then I`d be admitting I`d made a mistake and that`s just not my thing.
If your girlfriend says she`s going out to run some errands and comes back with 6 bags from the mall...You might be dating my wife.
Sometimes all you need is a hug or someone to tell you everything will be ok, or some rough sex or whatever....
If you needed to wear camouflage in a gingerbread house, would you wear ginger snaps?
American Sniper proves that not even being in an active war zone will prevent your spouse from calling you at work.
If you weren`t supposed to eat 15 Oreos in one sitting, they wouldn`t package them in rows of 15.