Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My girlfriend told me to go out and get something that makes her look sexy...so I came back drunk.
Before I wash my socks, I just throw one in the trash.
When people ask me if I`m working hard or hardly working, I like to stab them with a pen and ask if they`re hurting hard or hardly hurting.
Apparently this Walmart cashier only brushes her favorite teeth.
Next time you’re asked “What’s Up” respond “A delightful animated film about a young boy and an old man who fly away to an exotic place in a balloon house.”
"Mary had a little lamb. That`s had." - the wolf
To the untrained eye, I`m quite handsome.
I miss times when I was working at the zoo... my boss fired me just because I left the lion`s gate open.... I mean who would steal a lion
Fitness nuts have to do an entire marathon to feel a runner`s high..... I just have to bend over and tie my shoes.
I saw some footage of some polar bears drinking water today. It’s obviously fake. Everybody knows they only drink Coca-Cola.
if i get a friend request from you and your profile picture is a car i`ll asume your a transformer
Smile. It makes people wonder what you´re up to.
Frozen water balloon fights... not a good idea.
The best way to get a man to do something is to suggest he’s too old for it.
A roman walks into a bar. He holds up two fingers and says "Five beers please."