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The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider doing it.
Of course I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advise.
Someone told me the camera adds 10 pounds and I was like why would anyone eat a camera you idiot?
Bending over ... preparing to do my taxes.
On average I spend $75 a year to watch bananas turn brown.
Targeted ads are trying to sell me a new mattress nowadays. With how much Google knows about me you`d think they`d cap themselves at something like $5 footlongs or stationary.
It`s not condescending if they`re stupid.
The last time I touched a breast, it was in a KFC bucket.
Sometimes I like to lie in bed, stare at the ceiling and think what it would be like to stare at other ceilings.
Tupperware: When you want to throw out your food some other day.
One day I shall rule the World! Until then, I`m going to bed
Long busy day, I need one of those hugs that turns into sex.
A Relationship is like poker, if you don`t have a partner you better have a good hand.
Trust is knowing you never have to look through their phone.
I hate when someone texts me cause then I can`t post anything on the internet or they`ll know I`m ignoring them.