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If Plan A doesn’t work, the alphabet has 25 more letters. Keep calm.
I`m running low on funny but I have plenty of sexy left.
My safe word is letsgetmarried.
If you put root beer in a square cup, do you get beer?……………………. (you smart people grinned didn’t you.)
My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.
I stamp my hand on Saturday morning so it looks like I went out on Friday night.
My friend told me that bigamy was having one wife to many. I thought that was called monogamy.
Sometimes I let the words in my mind come out of my mouth. And it feels awesome! B)
I ordered some bubble wrap online. It arrived in a box surrounded by packing peanuts.
I think I may have just inadvertently accomplished something!!!
auto-correct has got to be my worst enema.
Share this if you know someone who is alive today simply because you don`t want to go to prison.
The last breasts I touched belonged to a dead chicken.
Go to police station 2. Say a gang mugged you 3. Describe your own relatives to police sketch artist 4. Claim free family portrait
wishes that more people would declare thumb wars these days. I`m sure that all this texting has prepared my thumb muscles for battle.