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So apparently the numbers on the toaster are minutes? I`ve thought for years it was degree of toasty-ness.
When we are small, our mom`s would use really small forks as spoons to feed us...But what about Chinese moms? Would they use toothpicks?
I`m super lazy today! Which is like normal lazy, but I`m also wearing a cape.
I`m going to test my theory that tequila kills the flu... Or brain cells... Whatever, doesn`t matter... something`s gonna die tonight.
thinks that decaffeinated coffee is just useless brown water.
Whoever says "you need two to tango" obviously hasn`t seen me drunk.
Well, I`m really not sure what my spirt animal is but I`m sure it looks like road kill right about now.
I`ve never literally been tortured but I have walked behind old people when I was in a hurry.
I don`t think the lady who just shushed a baby in the library knows how babies work
I have the worst case of morning sickness. No I am not pregnant, my body just rejects mornings.
I bet people don’t understand that I’m joking 800% of the time.
Apparently a teen in Brazil died after jerking off 42 times without stopping. So incase you were wondering. ...41, guys,...that`s the limit.
I was hooked on auctions after only going once... going twice
The institutions won`t take me so I am all yours.
You ever notice that the number of extra steps a drunk takes getting home? ...its staggering!