Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Love is grand. Divorce is 100 grand.
When people start praying before a meal, I close my eyes and imagine how far I could throw a potato if I really put my heart into it.
Sometimes I think my job is actually a hidden-camera game show where they see how much absurd bullsh!t I`ll put up with before I catch on.
You have advice? For me? I have a $5 Starbucks gift card that`s older than you.
Paint thinner? I call bullsh!t. I been painting myself with it all week and I`m still fat.
I always see more people walking into Sam`s Club than out of Sam`s Club, but the meat`s cheap, so I don`t ask questions.
Why don`t we wait for life on other planets to find us? Why do we have to do all the work?
"I believe I can fry" - R Kelly filling out McDonald`s application
Zombies and I have a lot in common; we both walk around aimlessly looking for something to eat.
One day I shall rule the World! Until then, I`m going to bed
If I`m guilty of anything it`s loving you too much. Oh and indecent exposure...I suppose trespassing too.
When non-smokers come to My house....I ask them to stand outside while I have a smoke
I am NOT high maintenance, I simply have more preferences than most.
People says nothing is imposible.. But i do nothing everyday!!
Another year has passed. I`ve just about given up on the Mayans.