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What`s a burnt pizza, frozen beer & a pregnant girl have in common? There was a DUMBASS who didn`t take it out in time.
I used to date a girl with a lazy eye, but she was seeing someone on the side.
Im a leader not a follower... unless its a dark place then f*ck that your going first!
Some of my ideas are about as profitable as selling YOLO T-Shirts at a Reincarnation seminar
I would exercise, but then all the sprinkles would fall off my cupcake.
Caterpillars have the ideal life. They eat a lot and then sleep for a while and wake up beautiful.
I`ve taken my kids all over the country, but their favorite place to be is still "in the way."
If you replace the "W" in "where" "what" and "when" with "T" you get answers to the questions.
I always tell my kids that it`s ok to make mistakes as long as you learn how to blame them on other people.
The really cool thing about being a husband is having your mistakes constantly pointed out.
If Violets were Orange, poetry would be a lot more challenging.
I`m so old I remember when water was free and you had to pay for porn.
Mom in poetic mood ....Asked me to express emptiness .... I showed her my wallet ........ n m cheek still burns .... :-p :-p
The best part about being over 40 is we did most of our stupid stuff before the internet.
I don`t hate you, but I hope you fall in love and get married.