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Sometimes all you need is $500 million dollars.
Falling in love is lot like dying, you never get to do it enough to become good at it.
Here`s a thought: Let`s let the illegal Mexicans stay and send the whining crybabies to Mexico. At least the illegal Mexicans are willing to work.
You never really know how many inches you`re gonna get or how long it`ll last. Snow, maybe.
When girls wear yoga pants I feel like a ghost from Mario. Uncontrollably attracted when they turn away, but frozen when they look at me.
Why is this dude chatting with Jake from State Farm at three in the morning anyhow?
Big shout-out to slugs! Those little guys are out there everyday, doing all the same stuff as snails but without helmets.
Trying to achieve the perfect erection. How hard could it be?
Health insurance is rare for exotic dancers. Most strippers have little or no coverage.
I`m not opposed to manscaping, but I don`t see the point of cutting the grass until somebody takes interest in the property.
Sometimes all you need is a hug or someone to tell you everything will be ok, or some rough sex or whatever....
You`re not unlucky. Bad things happen to you because you`re a dumba$$.
Never laugh at your wife`s choices. You are one of them :)
Step 1 Change your wifi password to blowmefirst. Step 2 Wait for someone to ask for your wifi password.
I always look out for #1 ... unless I`m walking thru my yard, then I look out for #2