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I think I need to return my GPS...no matter what it can`t help me find easy street
Sure, Men love funny women. As long as they are pretty...and skinny...and they have a great pair of knockers!!
I`ve been having really bad headaches lately. The doctor said they were all in my head.
Sorry I`m late, I was waiving my hands at a paper towel dispenser that turned out to not be automatic.
Have you ever partied so hard that you feel like you may have damaged your DNA?
My dad`s TV volume is always set at "f*ck the neighbors".
Every semicolon I have ever used has been a complete guess.
I`m not saying Goldilocks was a piece of sh!t, but she broke into someone`s house and just started eating their breakfast.
Ever notice that the first 10 seconds of a medical drug commercial is spent telling you what the drug is for and the rest basically daring you to take it?
Don’t expect a “bless you” after the 4th sneeze…get your self together
With the right music, you either forget everything or you remember everything.
My sex life is like a Ferrari ... I don`t have a Ferrari
The real fountain of youth is to have a dirty mind and a naughty smile.
I just had Déjà vu...and you were an asshole both times.
Anything is legal when there`s no police around