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Hey movie villains - make a bomb where the wires are all one color.
Guy asked me where a public phone was. I told him 1987.
On a scale from 0 to insane, I`m Batman!
Keep the dream alive......... Hit the snooze button.
It`s not the torch she carries for me that has me worried, it`s the gas can in her other hand.
If you have a parrot and you don’t teach it to say,”Help, they’ve turned me into a parrot” ...you`re wasting everybody’s time.
I hate mixed messages. They`re great.
You know it’s going to be a bad day when your horoscope starts with… “Are you sitting down?”
My 12 step program means parking closer to the bar.
Chase you? ... B!tch please, I don`t even chase my liquor.
I`m an accident looking for a place to happen!
Somethings are best unsaid but my brain to mouth filter has never worked right.
Laptop speakers, too quiet for music, too loud for porn.
Can you make garlic bread out of frozen waffles? Asking for someone who wishes they had remembered garlic bread at the store.
You´re just jealous because the voices are talking to me and not you!