Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My tacos arrived with a fork on the plate. I can only guess it`s there to stab potential taco thieves.
Dieting is for the birds. Which is why you hardly ever see a fat bird.
I`m not a psychologist,,, but I remember when a Hot Wheels track magically cured 80% of ADHD
I wish I could talk to donkeys so I could be known as the ass whisperer.
So you constantly feel sorry for yourself and feel the need to tell everyone all about it. I can’t imagine why he left you.
I think salads help you lose weight because they`re gross and you end up not eating them
Rock bottom is when you get dinner at the same place you buy your gas.
shoutout to people who have money but still order off the dollar menu
Well it’s time to go from sitting on my office chair, to sitting in traffic, to sitting on my couch. I’m very skilled at sitting.
Nothing says "I`ve already given up on this day" quite like a Taco Bell breakfast.
Self checkout must have been invented by a guy who had to buy tampons.
I`d like to help you out ... Which way did you come in?
Sometimes I get a little sad and feel like being alone. But then I talk to my dog about it and he reminds me I`m Awesome. Then WE DANCE.
If you think buying condoms is awkward, you should try returning them.
The weather is so nice. I think I’ll go outside and watch other people run.