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If a guy runs his fingers through your hair, there is a 33.3% chance you are being used as a napkin.
you need a license to drive, but anyone can have a kid.
You know you`re addicted to your iphone when you start using your fingers to zoom into things on your laptop computer. Or a printed photo. Or a book. Or your watch.
If cats had wings, they would still just lay there.
2 out of 3 isn`t bad. Unless you come home from the park with 2 out 3 kids.
If a girl bangs ten dudes in a year she is a slut. If a guy done he`s gay. Definitely gay.
Just heard a guy at the dog park tell his dog "NO!" and then more quietly, "We talked about this!"
I wonder if the psycho hitchhiker ever gets picked up by the psycho driver. Now there`s a movie I`d pay to see.
I hate when my friends stand so close to me when pictures are being taken. It`s like they don`t know I plan on cropping them out later.
I wonder when people without cars pick their noses…
Is the "D" in Donkey Kong a typo? It should have been Monkey Kong right? These are the things that keep me up at night.
People in Detroit call Grand Theft Auto V "Tuesday"
Ladies: If he’s right handed, and you find the mouse to the left of the computer monitor, there is only one explanation. Sorry Guys.
Kissing a sleeping woman in an animated Disney movie is romantic but do it on a bus and the judge doesn`t agree.
Honking your horn is fun but rolling down your window and screaming “honk” at people is just way more satisfying.