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I wear a cape when I`m driving so if I get pulled over the cop will think I`m going somewhere to fight crime.
Let’s get naughty and save Santa the trip.
I`d rather spend 5 minutes reorganizing the dishwasher, than spend the 10 seconds it takes to wash the dish that doesn`t fit.
Still waiting for the day I can illegally download groceries
Lets not get carried away it`s not like McDonalds shutdown
Are you guys sure common sense can`t be beaten into people ? Because I`d like to give it try!
No one in my family has ever actually used the Olive Garden gift card. We just keep passing it down from generation to generation.
I wish computer companies would design a keyboard with a removable crumb tray, kinda like my toaster.
Facebook should just change it`s name to "People You May Want to Avoid."
I`ve just been hit in the head with a werthers, and I thought........... That`s original!!!
I twisted my ankle playing vodka last night.. Next question
The best part of my divorce was how I woke up and I hadn`t done anything wrong
With the right music, you either forget everything or you remember everything.
Every store should have one line for people who have their sh!t together.
There’s no excuse for laziness.. but if you find one, let me know.