Daily Silly Status

Apparently you have to go to the gym more than once to get in shape, what the hell.

I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.

Jack Frost go away, come again another day. I need some sun, I need some sand, I need an island & a band. I`m bored with you & tired of the cold, so go away your getting old. Bring on the sun at one hundred degrees, some coconut oil & pina coladas please

Dear Mother-in-Law, Do not tell me how to handle my child, I am living with one of yours and he needs a lot of improvement.

Thinks that thinking about thoughts of thinking are too thinkable for thoughts to be thought about thinking, I think.

I missed that one episode of The Walking Dead where they show us how the zombies keep everyone`s lawns so freshly mowed.

Avoid parking tickets by leaving your wipers on high.

sometimes when i`m lonely i`ll fill my bathtub with tomato sauce and pretend that i`m a meatball

What`s a burnt pizza, frozen beer, & a pregnant girl have in common? In each scenario, there`s a dumb guy who didn`t take it out in time.

So many people are making history right now. but me, I`m deleting history from my browser.

Even if your life was a total waste of space, there’s always hope that you’ll die in a weird enough way to make a CSI episode.

Smile, it´s the second best thing you can do with your lips.

I love when people dig their own grave. It saves me so much time.

The party`s not over `till you smile for the mugshot

I`m at my most cardio when I am moving the treadmill into storage