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I bet Waldo’s parents are worried sick.
I’m at Code 5 today. I don’t know. It’s something this lady in the coffee shop said and I liked it. So now I’m using it, too.
For daylight savings, we should move the clocks forward an hour on Monday at 9 AM so that we lose an hour of work instead of sleep.
Adulthood is like losing your mom in the grocery store for the rest of your life.
My GPS is basically just one more woman in my life who I turn on and then ignore.
I would eat a lot more healthy food if it required no preparation or stayed fresh as long as junk food.
So....if the cup is only half full....I suggest buying a smaller bra
I believe in helping the homeless. That`s why every year I buy a new refrigerator and throw away the box.
I am the head of this household, and I have my wife`s permission to say so.
The Kids today just don`t appreciate the colors and flavors of Dial soap like I do
Sometimes I laugh so hard the tears run down my leg ;)
Good friends don’t let you do dumb things… alone.
You’re not important enough to have haters. You just have a few people who notice you’re an a$$hole.
The plural of beer is beer, which is very convenient when you are explaining to your wife why you were late coming home from work.
Never do anything for money. Unless it’s a lot of money. Then do anything.