Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Don`t ask me for advice, my answer is always get them drunk.
Are you free tonight, or will it cost me?
Roses are red, violets are blue. If I had a brick, I`d throw it at you.
Some people are training as complainers like it is a competitive sport
Sure, I can speak Spanish... "Margarita!"
I don`t know, guys. The whole "play dead when a bear attacks" thing sounds suspiciously like something the bears would come up with...
My Viagra addiction was the hardest time of my life.
Break the ice in a crowded elevator by asking how much everyone weighs.
Cake and pie can’t compete. If you put candles in a cake it’s birthday cake. Put candles in a pie and someone’s drunk in the kitchen.
I hate brushing my teeth at night. It signifies I can`t have any more food and I`m never ready for that kind of commitment
It costs over $235,000 for parents to raise a child today. And that`s just for the alcohol.
I think my TV remote has developed some sort of Romulan cloaking technology.
I think my mailman is stealing my Nigerian lottery checks.
Reasons I check my voicemail: 1% to hear the message. 99% to get rid of that annoying icon.
`Google`` must be a woman, because it knows everything.