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I don`t know what everyone`s complaining about. The economy looks great from my parents` basement.
Occasionally, I like to agree with a man just to watch the look of fear, confusion and nervous-anxiety.
My 6 yo just chugged a bottle of water in 30 seconds. Now I`m fearful of her college days.
Research shows that, when someone shouts "Oh no he didn`t!" ... He in fact did.
If pigs could fly.. Would I be able to get high on bacon?
Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.
is trying to decide ... laundry today or naked tomorrow
There`s no `i` in "Shut the f*ck up!"
Is it just me that finds it disturbing that you can accidentally make a baby but you can`t accidentally make a pizza?
I don`t appreciate my son`s teacher circling all the wine stains on his homework.
Pocketwatches were replaced by wristwatches, which became digitalwatches, which were replaced by mobile phones. Which we keep in our pockets
I`m confused by this "It`s 5 o`clock somewhere" statement. Bars open at 11. Idiots.
I repaired my blow up doll with superglue.....that was an awkward trip to the emergency room (<>..<>)
I don’t know why you put your boat in Sh!t Creek to begin with.
When people introduce themselves to me for the first time, I tell them, "Yes, we`ve met before." So they feel awkward trying to remember me