Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I saw a fat kid sitting on a seesaw all by himself. I stopped and waited for another kid to fall from the sky. I left disappointed.
So after an hour of playing Paper, Rock, Scissors, we decided to call it a tie. Good game, mirror!
I started seeing this girl recently. She sometimes texts. Sometimes Whatsapps. Sometimes she emails. Sometimes she Facebooks. Im getting mixed messages.
Anybody else have that annoying problem of Work and Family interfering with your FaceBook time?
Me:"I had a dream about you." Girlfriend:"Awwwwww." Me:"Yeah, you died."
People who drive under the speed limit are probably the same people who drink decaf.
The scariest US president was Rushmore, because he had 4 heads
The key to a long relationship: Keep the fights clean and the sex dirty.
When your running down the street on fire, people will get out of your way
some mornings i wish i could sneak up behind my alarm clock and say, "HOW DOES IT FEEL?!!"
Not one person has been eaten by sharks yet this week. Probably the worst Shark Week ever.
Remember before we met? I miss those days.
When people stare at me, I assume its because they are taking notes on how to be a bad a$$ motherf*cker.
Guys, freedom of speech doesn`t mean you can spell things any way you want to.
I once had a goldfish that could break-dance on carpet, but only for like 20 seconds...