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People need to stop putting flyers on my car. I don`t want to see a band called "Parking Violation" at the "Courthouse."
Why is it that the instant I buy new chap stick, the old one magically reappears?
Damn you auto correct mind your business.
I could of sworn my pillow`s a hairdreeser...coz I always wake up with the craziest hairstyles!! :D
I ran into a dwarfs car this morning and he come up to me and said "I`m not happy!" And I said we`ll which one are you then
A vegan friend on FB said if we had to kill our own food, we wouldn`t eat meat... I think if he had to build his own computer he couldn`t whine on FB.
How come no one in a zombie movie has ever seen a zombie movie
This oatmeal tastes like I`m gonna need a doughnut.
My swear jar has more money in it than my bank account.
Unless you fell off the stairmaster and a barbell fell on your face... no one wants to hear about your workout.
Life Tip: Hang out with people who make you forget to look at your phone.
Here`s a list of things I need you to accomplish without any resources to do them with. -management
I never run with scissors…those last two words were unnecessary.
A woman just dropped a 20 dollar bill next to me. I thought, `What would Jesus do?`, so I turned it into wine ... Well, I bought wine.
How`d this get posted?