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Your baby looks the same as it did yesterday. Me, commenting on a Facebook picture.
Women are so jealous. I bet Eve counted Adam`s ribs everyday to see if another woman had been created.
It’s ok if you don’t agree with me. I can’t force you to be right.
Why put off `til tomorrow what you can premeditate today.
After committing a crime, always carry a fire extinguisher. No one gets stopped while running with a fire extinguisher.
I lost a very close friend and drinking partner last week. He got his finger caught in a wedding ring.
"2 weeks with my baby xoxoxo" lol,calm down romeo&juliet.
My hair looks amazing today. I hope I see everybody I hate.
A coworker just wrote "Retard" on the windshield of my car. It`s taken me over an hour to lick it off!
When I die, I am going to haunt the f*ck out of you people.
My thoughts should be ashamed of themselves.
I wouldn`t say I "missed" your call.
Liam Neeson trained Batman, Obi Wan, and Darth Vader. He is both Aslan and Zeus…and he punches wolves. Why would you kidnap his family?
Never do anything for money. Unless it’s a lot of money. Then do anything.
Hey, chicks who have words tattooed on your tits... We didn`t come here to read.