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Sorry I got mad and said a bunch of things I meant but shouldn`t have said out loud.
iPhone is really a terrible name considering how rarely I use it as a phone. That`s like if my bed was named iSex.
Why can’t they make the whole week out of Saturdays?
Next time you are in a restaurant, give this a thought. The fork you are using has been in the mouth of hundreds of people. Now look at the people eating right by you. Scary, right?
If you`re not procrastinating just a little, you`re not doing Saturday right.
I can cope with voices in my head but the voices outside my head drive me crazy
I`m fortunate that anger and nicotine have zero calories.
Marriage is just a fancy word for adopting an overgrown male child who can not be handled by his parents anymore.
When I was younger I thought I was bipolar. Turns out I was just an a$$hole who was happy about it.
Call me old fashioned but I prefer women with eyebrows made out of hair.
If you`re feeling too good about yourself, go ask a 5 yr old to guess your age. That should even things out.
Adult movies now available in 3D?!? Some thing I just don`t want to see flying at my face.
When I text someone and they don`t text me back, I automatically assume that they fainted from the excitement.
I`m awesome ... Don`t question it, just deal with it.
You´d be amazed how often I´m wrong when people say guess what