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No matter how many lasagna’s you stack on top of each other, ultimately it’s always just one lasagna
Redneck Word : debate...i was gonna go fishin today but forgot to bring debate
Step 1 - Change your Wi-Fi password to "blowmefirst." Step 2 - Wait for someone to ask you for it.
If life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic.
"I don`t care if you think it sounds gross, that`s what we`re calling it" -Guy who named the sweater.
I hate that feeling when you feel you wrote something good on facebook and then nobody likes your status. Depressing... :(
My doctor told me to eat more Taco Bell, well he actually told me to eat "less McDonalds" but I`m pretty sure I know what he meant.
Being the fat guy at McDonald`s is like being the muscle guy at the gym. People stay out of your way cause they know you mean business.
Tried to plug my charger in the wrong hole. Siri was like STOP " I don`t do that ".
If only mosquitoes sucked fat, instead of blood.
just bought 400 copies of Hoarders: Season 1. Not sure what to do with them.
My date is in 2 hours, which means I have very little time to fix my glasses and fix my bangs and get a career and lose 50 pounds
Turns out the plastic bag they put in your ice bucket at a hotel isn`t for to-go bacon from the breakfast buffet.
Relationships would be easier if people came with a "Clear History" button.
Redneck`s famous last words: "Is that enough duck tape?"