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that awkard moment when someone`s laugh is actually funnier than the joke
Apparently sleeping your way to the top doesn`t mean dozing off in meetings or taking naps in the copier room.
I hate when its dark and my brain is like “Hey you know what we haven’t thought of in a while?” Monsters.
She might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty`s only a light switch away.
Pretty proud of myself, I got a lot of procrastinating done today
is wondering why Facebook bothers to give the option of "liking" my own comment? Of course I like my own comments. I´m awesome..
I kinda dig you, want to hang out and stuff until we hate each other?
I don`t think any of my vampire jokes will ever see the light of day.
As funny as it might be, It`s never polite to yell "Tuba Lesson!" Before farting.
When I die, bury me with a pack of smokes, no light. Where I`m going, there will have plenty of free fires to light from.
"We attack at dawn!" - Hangovers
When you turn 21, you can legally do all the things you`ve been doing since you were 15.
The self-driving car should have an "I`m Feeling Lucky" button that drives you to a random location.
I hate it when I tell someone I`ll be there in 10 minutes, but they continue to call me every half-hour anyway
If I’m going to sweep all of my problems under the rug, then I’m going to need a bigger rug.