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wants to remind you this Halloween, that as a general rule, don`t solve riddles that open portals to Hell.
I miss the days when minding your own business was a thing.
Ah Friday my second favorite F Word
It`s Monday. I`m refreshed and ready to hate my Job
I want rich people problems. Like where to park my yacht.
If life gives you lemons make grape juice than lay back and watch people wondering how you did it;)
The only thing I ever throwback on Thursdays are drinks
The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard. This recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never be ending a work email with the phrase Regards again.
It`s like the people in this restroom don`t even want my help unbuttoning their pants. STOP RUNNING AWAY I JUST WANT TO HELP YOU
That awkward moment when you sing the wrong part of a song with confidence.
i just fell off a 20ft ladder.. good thing I was on the first step.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how likely is it that your dumbass will say 11?
Didn`t have to do much to end my last relationship...she first told me that "opposites attract"...then a couple of days later she told me i was handsome, kind, smart, funny and loving...
Nothing sadder than the look on my dogs face when I drop food from the table and they realize it`s lettuce.
All this time I thought Bi-Polar was big white bear with no sexual preference.